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I'm feeling lost again. I know I only update this when something's wrong, but writing in my therapy. I think dad's depressed, which makes my feel like a burden. I've needed him to fix my fan for two days now. It's not easy to sleep in a house that never gets cool. Every time I ask about the fan (It's been like four times now), he gets angry with me, grabs a beer and goes downstairs. Ugh, it makes me feel like crying.

I did cry last night. I don't want a repeat.

And sure, it doesn't help that I've been reading what turned out to be REALLY sad fanfics. I didn't mean to, they just ended sadly.

All this probably means I need to exercise more, I'm sure. You know, get those endorphins pumping through my system. I have to be awake so early, however, that by the time it's cool enough to go jogging, all I want to do is sleep. Ugh. Vicious cycle.

Oh, and the utterly desperate feeling is back. The feeling where I can't stand that there's no one to read or watch TV with me. The feeling that there's no one to kiss me, and it's nearly painful. I'm not a touch person until I don't have it. That bugs me. Well, it's not so much that I'm never a touch person, it's just that there's only one person I want to touch me (ew, stop being gross). I know that won't happen, though. He's my Edward, but the Edward I'll never get. He'll always be on my peripheral, never in full view.

Damnit. I don't even have a Jacob to run to.

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( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
jaenanda
Jul. 1st, 2009 03:55 am (UTC)
Bicycle. They are full of awesome and win. And less stress on the joints than jogging. You can get an OK bike at Target or Wal-Mart for about the same price as a good pair of running shoes, and bikes don't have to be replaced nearly as often.
jade_maxwell
Jul. 1st, 2009 09:10 pm (UTC)
Come to think of it, dad owes me a bike from last Christmas. lol
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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